are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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