What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
