Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
