Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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