today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
