May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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