I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
