So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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