i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
