Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
