do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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