my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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