Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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