i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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