4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize