..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
