Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
