No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
