Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
