Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
