I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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