Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
