my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
