Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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