One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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