If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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