I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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