soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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