Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize