remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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