How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
