Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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