you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's the barista slut.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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