I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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