I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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