We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
