AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
