theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
