i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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