I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize