It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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