____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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