You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
