i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
