Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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