My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
