I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
