I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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