I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
