last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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