Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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