drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize