im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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