and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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