Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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