I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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