I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize