I can tuck mytits in my pants
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
