Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
birth control should be required to get into college
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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