I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize