4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
