Ambien. No doubt about it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
