I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
