how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
