I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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