I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
