Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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